The Challenge
by Jamalyn
Summary: Daisuke's nagging self doubts have finally pushed Ken away. Will he accept that? KENSUKE/DAIKEN (PG13 is probably a bit too strong, but...) The Conclusion is FINALLY up!!!
1. The Challenge :: Part 1

"Listen, Ken, I know I've never been the bright one, and I'm ok with that

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Disclaimer: Digimon are not mine. Trust me. If they were, the series would not be allowed on American TV, edited or not.

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The Challenge

"Listen, Ken, I know I've never been the bright one, and I'm ok with that. You've made it ok, but this time it's me that is right. It's me that is seeing things clearly." Daisuke was being his usual hard-headed self, only this time, he seemed to have anticipated all of my moves before hand. He had an excuse, a reason, always perfect, for every last point I made. I can not believe we are finally having this conversation. I had decided years ago that it would eventually come to this point, I had just refused to sit down and think of a way out of it. Too depressing, I guess. Not Daisuke, one of the very few people I had ever loved, the only person I love this way. And I know he loves me. He loves me or he would not be trying to kill me.

It's foolish really. Definitely ironic, that Daisuke, all brass and guts to the world is actually afraid of holding *me* back. Afraid that he'll never be good enough to replace what 'could have been.' I do not know how many times I have told him that that is crazy. If it were not for Daisuke, I never would have made it as far as I have. It is only in having his support, his continuing presence, that I was able to keep the darkness at bay. 

"Koi," I tell him, "I gave up years ago on what the rest of the would might be thinking. It doesn't touch me." Anything, I'd give anything to convince him that what he is talking about is crazy.

"Do you really think I'll be able to survive with out you?" I finally ask, the threat of dire consequences ringing in my voice.

"Yes, I do, or I wouldn't be doing this," he replies softly, slowly. I give him a last hard look, but he has completely made up his mind. I nod my head slowly. Years ago I had told him, back when this inherent self-doubt first surfaced, never to make this decision unless he really meant it. Well, he has offered up the challenge.

"Good-bye," I accept.


	2. The Challenge :: Part 2

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Disclaimer: Still taint mine. 

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The Challenge::Part2 

I walked along the streets slowly, well aware that this was not the best place to be dallying. Daisuke's words kept ringing in my mind causing me to be completely indifferent to the strange stares I received. I have no idea how long I had been walking. All I knew was that I had not stopped since I left Daisuke's side. Finally I stopped when I realized that I was standing on one of the many bridges that spanned the inlets of the bay. 

It would be easy enough. I've always hated the dark water. Too many memories, none of them buried deep enough, I guess. But all it would require is a bit of mind over matter. I've always been exceptionally good at that. Even now, I can almost convince myself that I can see my eyes staring back at me. But I won't. I want to, but I won't. 

Only because my responsibilities are no longer only to myself. 

[Back to Dai-chan] 

Daisuke watched Ken walk slowly away. He wanted to scream out for Ken to come back, to try and convince him that he was crazy just one more time. Daisuke knew that was all it would take for him to give in. Ken had accepted it all so softly, so calmly... so Ken-like. It only served to scare Daisuke more. And then he was gone, disappearing all too soon into the omnipresent fog. It took everything Daisuke had to turn in the direction opposite of what Ken had taken and head back to their apartment. 

`This idea wasn't any better than following Ken,' Daisuke thought bitterly when he arrived. Ken was everywhere here. His books were stacked neatly on the table where he had left them when Daisuke had suggested they go to the park and the warm fleece blanket they liked to snuggle under while watching movies lay where he had casually tossed it over the back of the couch. Daisuke did not even venture into their room. Instead he grabbed his coat again and headed back out the door. 


	3. The Challenge :: Part 3

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Disclaimer: Still taint mine. 

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The Challenge::Part3 

"Hey I know you!" a voice said from behind Ken where he stood looking out over the dirty water. 

"You're Ichijouji Ken," the voice continued. Ken did not bother to correct the girl but his mind began to rage. `How could you know me?' it asked mockingly, `You know nothing about me or you wouldn't be bothering me now.' But Ken did not say anything to her. He just continued to study the slowly moving water until his anger had passed. He was well aware of the fact that he should not allow things like that bother him. In fact Daisuke would no doubt laugh at him if he were here. The great Ichijouji Ken, cringing under the adoring stare of an eight-year-old girl. 

"So..." the girl continued, "What are you doing?" Ken could not help the small smile that crept over his lips. The girl had now joined him on the side of the bridge and was also desperately searching for something in the water. Probably trying to see what he found so absorbing. It took Ken a moment to realize the girl was still waiting for his answer. `Good attention span for a kid,' he thought with a smile, `I'd have lost Daisuke long before now.' Ken smiled at the girl again. 

"Just thinking," he told her resisting the urge to add `don't you ever just want to think?' to the end of his statement. For on thing, she seemed a little too young to be exploring the deeper sides of the human mind, and secondly, people tended to get insulted when he asked them things like that. The young girl was still watching him attentively, waiting for him to continue. 

"My boyfriend broke up with me," he told her. He could not help the small wince that passed over his features, completely voiding the smile he had hoped would soften the entirely too personal disclosure. Strangely enough, the girl did not seem shocked. 

"Oh, that's sad," was all she said. Ken could not help but wish every encounter with a fan, although they were admittedly more rare now that the dark spore was no longer effective, was this nice. Ken plucked her from the bridge's railing were she stood, still searching desperately for something in the water. Her tenacity reminded Ken of Daisuke. 

"You should be careful," he told her before he began to head for home, "You don't want to fall in." Ken need to talk to Daisuke again. Perhaps he had given in too soon. 


	4. The Challenge :: Part 4

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Disclaimer: Still taint mine. 

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The Challenge::Part4 

When Ken got back to the apartment it was just like they had left it. His calls for Daisuke came back unanswered and Ken guessed he had not returned home yet. 

"Sure, he breaks up with *me* and then goes out to mope," he said to no one in particular. Ken had meant it as an almost bitter recrimination, but some how it rang hollow in the empty apartment. The truth of the matter was that that Ken was worried about Daisuke. Something had driven him to this and Ken really wanted to know what. 

[Cut to Dai-chan] 

Daisuke was not really sure why he had come over here. Its not like they really had anything in common or that they knew each other exceptionally well. In fact, Daisuke was relieved when Iori's mother answered the door because it meant that he could at least get inside before he had to explain himself. 

Iori seemed a little bit shocked to see him. To be honest, he had grown away from the rest of the digidestined, partly because he had always bee a little too young to fully participate in the `activities' of the older digidestined which were usually initiated by Yamato, Taichi or both and partly because he was just too damned strait-laced for his own good. `He must wreak havoc on his college roommate,' Daisuke thought. It had been close to four months since Daisuke had last seen Iori. 

Iori lead Daisuke back to his old room where he had been working on a model of some sort and after offering Daisuke a chair, he went back to work. Daisuke studied the model. It was incredibly complex. What was Iori studying again? Architecture? No, that did not sound right. But he knew better than ask if he wanted to avoid offending the boy. Well, apparently it was going to be up to Daisuke to start this conversation. Great. 

"I broke up with Ken," he offered tentatively. Iori did not say a word but the look he sent Daisuke's way spoke books. Iori had made it pretty clear from the beginning that he did not approve of Ken and Daisuke's relationship, but was willing to remain silent if they were. Daisuke ran a hand through his already wind blown hair. Maybe he should of thought about that before coming over here. But then, he had not really thought at all. Thinking is what got him into this mess. After a few seconds, Iori's attention turned back to his work. 

Daisuke pulled his legs up onto the chair so that he could rest his head on his knees. After a while he heard Iori's rather hefty sigh. 

"Why?" Iori finally asked. 

"I don't know. I mean...at the time I thought it was for the best..." the snort Iori gave at this was enough to convince Daisuke that he agreed, "but now I'm not so sure." After a few moments it became clear that Daisuke was not going to continue. 

"And Ken?" Iori asked. 

"He left," Daisuke replied softly, "He just said bye and he left." 

"Look, Daisuke," Iori told him, "It seems to me that you got every thing you wanted. You've made your bed, now lie in it," and with that he went back to work, studiously ignoring Daisuke until he got the hint and left. 


	5. The Challenge :: Part 5

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Disclaimer: Still taint mine. 

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The Challenge :: Part 5 

Ken answered the rather insistent knock on their front door. Miyako was standing there looking slightly flushed, upset even. `Great,' he thought, `was today the day the whole world was going to fall to pieces?' 

"Hey, Ken," she said before he could ask here what was wrong. "Is Daisuke here? I really need to talk to him." 

"Daisuke?" Ken questioned. Miyako let out a pent up sigh. 

"Yes! Daisuke. Daisuke. You know...they guy your dating. The one who lives here, too?" Ken cringed at her response. She was obviously getting more and more upset with each second that ticked by. She had begun flailing her arms about in that way that had always made him nervous. I took an involuntary step backwards. 

"No. I mean he went for a walk or something." Ken shook his head, trying his best to remove the cobwebs and fog that seemed to have taken up residence there. `What is going on?' he thought. This was just too coincidental to be a coincidence. 

"Miyako, is there something you know that you're not telling me? Did Daisuke say anything to you?" Now it was Miyako's turn to look cornered. 

"Huh? No. I mean, don't worry about it." Ken continued to study her as if he did not believe what she was telling him. "Look," she continued, "If he comes back just tell him I'm not sure anymore." She looked at Ken again; his face was filled with look that ranged from heart broken fear to concern. "Or, hell, just tell him, err, tell him I said that I was wrong and really, really stupid. Ok? Just tell him that." Ken still did not have a clue what was going on, but the truth was beginning to scratch its way out. Miyako took his moment of stunned silence as a chance to escape and was already half way to the stairwell before he could call out for her to come back. She did not act as if she had heard him. 

Daisuke watched the entire exchange from under the lamp on the other side of the street. He could well imagine what she was telling Ken. Daisuke caught Miyako's eyes as she darted out the apartment complex. She immediately ducked her head and began hurrying along the street. His eyes were drawn back to the balcony were Ken was studying him intently, no doubt having been alerted to his presence by Miyako's hasty departure. Daisuke turned and started down the street. There was little point in going up there now. 

`Shit!' thought Ken, `What the hell is going on?' 


	6. The Challenge :: Part 6

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Disclaimer: Still taint mine.   
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The Challenge :: Part 6   
  
I can not help but think back to what I told Daisuke all those years ago and hate myself   
for it. It was a threat made in the heat of the moment. I was mad. Mad at Daisuke for   
feeling as worthless as he did, mad at everyone else for pushing him to it, for not showing   
him just how great he was, and mad at myself for being unable to convince him otherwise.   
When I told him that the decision would always be up to him, that I would not fight it, I   
was just being boastful. In reality, I was just saying I know you'll never actually do it. *In reality*, I was offering up the challenge to him, not the other way around. I wanted to know just how far he would go to punish himself.   
  
But one look at his face down below and I knew that I had made the biggest mistake of my   
life. And for me, that's really saying something.   
  
I slammed the door shut. I do not even know if I remembered to lock it, but I doubt I   
did. I had to talk to Daisuke right now and there was no way he was coming back to talk to   
me. That much had been obvious. When he had looked up at me I could see the good bye in   
his eyes. I made it down the stairs in record time and started down the street after him   
thanking anyone I had ever heard of that I was faster.   
  
However, it soon became very readily apparent that this was not going to end so easily.   
After a few blocks I was in the busy business district, a fact I had loved before, but now   
openly cursed. Normally, it might not have been so hard to find Daisuke's burgundy hair in   
the sea of black, but then he was not normally avoiding me. That, and the hundreds of   
people moving about made my pace decidedly slower.   
  
Daisuke watched as Ken pushed his way through the crowds. He kept his eyes pinned on the   
older boy the entire time, half-hoping and half-afraid that his stare would draw Ken's   
attention. Ken's glance did flicker in Daisuke's direction for a moment, but missed the   
boy in the shadows of alleyway. Daisuke let out a pent up breath. 'Coward' his mind   
laughed, 'The least you could do is admit she was telling the truth. But no, just continue   
to hide, that is so much more like you.' Daisuke sighed again. This was getting bad. Ken   
used to make the taunting stop but now was the cause. And, damn it! He was not a coward.   
  
"Ken!"   
  
*****   
tbc   
  
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	7. The Challenge :: Part 7

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Disclaimer: Still taint mine.   
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The Challenge :: Part 7   
  
Daisuke could see Ken trying to claw his way through the steadily moving crowed. He could   
not tell if the grimace on Ken's face was from trying to make it over to him or from what   
Miyako had told him. Daisuke had been waiting for bus back to their apartment when he had   
seen Miyako come running up, waving. Daisuke had smiled, happy for the company and they   
quickly began rehashing some of their favorite old stories from the digi-world and after,   
then:   
  
I saw Ken on campus the other day.   
  
Yeah he was give a lecture on something or other   
  
Yeah, it's kinda funny really.   
  
What?   
  
All the girls. They just think he's the best thing. Smart. Handsome. None of them have   
a clue that he's, you know, with you.   
  
So?   
  
So how do you know he really loves you? I mean, with the choices he has, why you?   
  
He loves me.   
  
Well I'm sure he thinks he does anyway.   
  
What does that mean?   
  
Well, maybe it was lack of choice. I mean, face it. Ken was really screwed up. And then   
you were there.   
  
And?   
  
I mean, who is to say that if you weren't there he wouldn't have made some other choice?   
  
Huh?   
  
All I'm saying is that you'll never *really* know.   
  
Daisuke rolled his eyes at her and gave a laugh in the barest attempt to hide the pain   
gnawing away at his heart. He smirked at her unsure face before standing up on the bus   
bench, and calling out, "I'm Motomiya Daisuke and Ichijouji Ken loves me!" He smiled down   
to where Miyako sat; fully expecting her to laugh, but instead was met with a look of horror.   
  
"God Daisuke!" she said pulling him back down, "What are you trying to do? Ruin Ken's   
life?" 'Ok, so that may be a bit harsh,' she added to herself.   
  
Daisuke looked around. There was a grade school girl snickering behind her hand and a   
middle-aged man in a suit who looked decidedly uncomfortable, maybe even a little ill.   
Everyone else just looked at him as if he were absolutely loony. But more than anyone he   
could feel the way Miyako was watching him. Like he had just told everyone about Ken's   
deepest and darkest secret. Himself.   
  
  
*****   
tbc   
  
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	8. The Challenge :: Part 8

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Disclaimer: Still taint mine.   
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The Challenge :: Part 8   
  
  
Ken's head snapped around as he heard that familiar voice. Ken began to push in that   
direction, something made much easier by the fact that he was now going with the crowd   
rather than against. He was still panting for breath by the time he made it to Daisuke's   
side.   
  
"Why did you go off like that?" Ken asked. Daisuke just continued to study him.   
  
"So? Miyako told you all about the bus stop?"   
  
"A little." Ok, so that was not entirely a lie. "Finish filling me in?"   
  
Ken listened attentively, but could not help giving a smirk as Daisuke finished his story.   
  
"What?" Daisuke asked.   
  
"Nothing." Daisuke looked hurt. "It's just. I mean, I got an incredibly vivid mental   
picture of you screaming on a bus bench. Your lucky the park police didn't pick you up."   
It was all Ken could do to hold in the chuckles threatening to bubble to the surface.   
Somehow, Daisuke did not think it was that humorous.   
  
"Are you worried about them knowing?"   
  
"Are *you* worried about them knowing?" Ken queried in return.   
  
"No-God no! I could tell the whole world."   
  
"Then why should I be?"   
  
"It's not that simple, Ken. Sure, nobody Daisuke can love anyone he wants. But you've got   
an image to upkeep. You don't really need me going around telling the world your dark   
little secrets." Ken wanted to punch him for the nobody response, but decided now probably   
was not the best time.   
  
"Why not? It saves me the effort." Ken joked. Daisuke did not laugh. "Oh, come on Dai,   
what have I got to do, stand on a bus bench and shout it out? I love you. You do for me   
what no one else is capable of doing."   
  
"You still left."   
  
"I had to think. And it was a stupid mistake."   
  
"I thought super-geniuses weren't suppose to make mistakes."   
  
"I think we've established that that is untrue." Ken smiled. "Come on, its getting cold.   
We should head home."   
  
"Umm, yeah. In a minute. You head on back."   
  
"No, I want to stay here with you." Now it was Daisuke's turn to smile.   
  
"I can't think with you here."   
  
"Daisuke..."   
  
"I'll be back in like 30 minutes, I swear."   
  
"Ok," Ken finally agreed, "But if your not I'm going to come down here and drag you back   
myself."   
  
"Like to see you try." Daisuke scoffed. They laughed together for a moment.   
  
"Daisuke," Ken said, catching his eyes and refusing to let them go, "I will always love you   
and nothing can change that." It was all Daisuke could do to keep the tears from showing   
as Ken leaned forward to kiss him in the soft and gentle way that was only Ken.   
  
"I'll be home soon." he promised.   
  
Ken just nodded as he watched Daisuke walk further down the alleyway.   
  
  
  
*****   
tbc   
  
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Please Review...


	9. The Challenge :: The Conclusion

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Disclaimer: Still taint mine.   
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The Challenge :: The Conclusion   
  
  
Dai sat quietly watching the traffic move below. For once the voices in his head seemed   
finally to have quieted down. Not that he needed them to tell him he was a screw up. He   
had made that point for himself earlier and had done it exceptionally well. Daisuke gave   
a bitter snort. At least he could do something really well. No one would ever accuse him   
of doing a half-assed job of ruining his own life. Miyako's words were still ringing in   
his head. He knew that Ken would be sitting at home, waiting for him, that Ken was willing   
to give him that door marked exit. He just was not sure that was what he wanted. After all,   
Daisuke had never turned down a challenge.   
  
I know Ken will always love me. He has never broken a promise to me, ever. I can have my   
Ken for the rest of my life. But, even though Ken was unwilling to admit it, Miyako was   
right.   
  
All I'm saying is that you'll never *really* know.   
  
What was that phrase his mother liked to use? Oh, yes, let good enough alone. Good advice   
if you were willing to settle with mediocrity. And yes, he was more than willing to accept   
that for himself, but not for his Ken. Ken deserved to soar.   
  
Daisuke just closed his eyes and let his body fall.   
  
  
  
  
  
The End   
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Sorry guys! The devil made me do it! *wink*   
And no, I don't hate Dai, or even dislike him.   
Please, please review.


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